Halloween was yucky this year. I just don't like the holiday too much, but I do like that kids get to use their imaginations and pretend to be something different for the day... but my sweet 3 year old does that everyday! And quite well. So it's nothing new and as always- she never has just one costume. Mermaid, then monkey, then princess/barbie/fairy. And Oliver's first Halloween wasn't yucky too because he was getting sick. Unfortunately I didn't realize how sick he would be the next few days following. He got whatever his sister had a week or two prior. Oliver went as Oliver for Halloween. I have myself on videotape asking him if he will hate me and need therapy when he is older for not dressing him up for his first halloween. Does this make me a horrible mom? Nah. And now that I think about it, considering he had fever and what not, I might have been a horrible mom for making him dress up! There. Reasoned it all out.
So when I see my kids throughout the day doing normal stuff, I really am amazed at how much I love them. Lola couldn't be sweeter. At least 25 times yesterday, she said "I love you Mom." All random and all so genuine. It's amazing. Today I was getting us some Chick-fil-A and she had found a table already- and I heard her sweet voice yell "I love you Mom" from across the dining room. I thought for a split second to tell her to "shhhh..." but I proudly smiled as I walked toward her and said "I love you too Lola." And then we looked at Oliver and said "And we love you bubbie." Bubbie is the name Lola uses and it's stuck. Not sure where it came from. But it's so darn sweet hearing her say. Except every once in awhile she says "boobie." Hahahaha- it's horribly funny. Don't worry Oliver, I correct her.
You know when I look at my kids sweet eyes, I really think- time to have more! They need more, I need more- more the merrier. But then I look deeper, and I really have my heart torn apart- I do need more. But what about all the sweet eyes that don't have unconditional love and cozy rooms and paper galore to color on and trucks to push down hallways and popcorn movie nights and just a warm, clean bed? What about perfectly created children who are born in imperfect circumstances? If I won the lottery, I would buy a bigger home, but only so perfectly deserving babies from a far could come be mine.
I think it's funny because my mom always said "I love you all the same" referring to me and my siblings. Not true. She may admit that now or maybe it's true for her. I don't love my babies the same. I don't think I do. Do you? I love them so much, I loose count and there's no point trying to figure how much I love them because it's unmeasurable, but each is different. I love one harder, tighter, gentler, funnier than other and vice versa. I know at times one will be my friend and one will side with the aliens, but in the end, they will always be loved unconditionally by me. I know not everyone feels their heart being tugged to love another baby, rather biologically or through adoption, and that's okay, but I do. And I don't doubt for a second the love I have for my two kids now, won't exists for more babies to come. My heart cries out for orphans. Sucks the obstacles and challenges adoption presents, but I feel confident it's on my timeline in life. Am I allowed to say this Clay? Just pouring out my heart. No set plans in place... just me always talking about how I can't believe sweet faces like Oliver and Lola don't have a mattress to sleep on and someone to take them to the doctor, and to Target to get surprises and to family birthday parties. And since I want a big family and more children, why wouldn't I want a sweet baby who needs us.
On a lighter note, I worked 4-5 hours today from home with both kids and that is an accomplishment. Nice to do stuff you love and make some money.
On a very exciting note, Lola wanted an all girl Christmas party- and honestly I couldn't resist. She had half of it planned out before she asked me and an entire invite list, so how could I say no? We invited all the girls from her school class and a few of her other girlfriends!
My babies. This picture cracks me up.
Lola's first Chirstmas tree and she wrote Christmas by herself minus the "s"- I helped with that letter.
I think I'll write a separate post for the kids. I seriously need to update you on them. Oliver is walking. Just kidding. Good night friends and weird, creepy people that may be reading this. Go away.