I keep sitting down to blog- I write, then erase, and think later I will post.
I have a lot in my mind right now. Heavy things. Things that your heart carries, along with your head, and body.
I think daily about my baby girl in China. I feel a connection that doesn't seem possible because there is nothing known yet, but it's there. I think God plays a big part in that. Clay and I will be (the plan) applying to adopt next fall from China. We are adopting a girl. And we will go through the Waiting Child program, which means she will need some medical attention, rather a little or maybe a lot, when she returns. Lots of prayers through these tough decisions that will come up next year.
Lola and I talk about her baby sister alllll the time. She told a stranger the other day "We are buying a baby from China." Um, eek. Sounded suspicious. I explained to her that we are paying someone to help us bring her home, but she is, just like Lola and Oliver, priceless. Lola is just so excited. We still work on the words for her to use and understanding how adoption will look for our family. (She only knows about the money aspect bc of MaeBeSew which is mentioned later...) She desperately wants a little sis. She really is a great big sister to Oliver and was designed for the role of big sister. She'll be a great big sister to another sibling. Sometimes we freak Clay out, when we talk about it so much and openly... that might be a concern, but he was the same way through both pregnancies, which makes me laugh just thinking of it- we definitely are excited about adopting our next child.
I find it so moving that lately, through a series of events and relationships, my mom has really developed a heart for orphans. It's nice to see that passion spread through the family, or at least mom so far, as my own heart can be consumed by the idea that there's all these very deserving children of homes they may never get or need sooner rather than later. I hear stories of orphans, of all ages, that are fighters, survivors and in some of the worst circumstances imaginable. (Some are very well taken care of too!) Lola and I have been talking, along with others in my life, that Mae, which is the name we have picked for her, could be born around this time. I have been praying for her, her mother, her family, and her caregivers. Her health, her care, her spirit. I countdown till when we can apply. China has age requirements (30). We are working on the other requirements being met before then. And we will be fundraising as well.
With that being said, I have accidentally started a business. And it seemed like a giant push from God. So I am doing my best to build it. Take is seriously. And make it work for us. I made a baby doll for a sweet friend as baby gift and turns out, they were a hit. I had 17+ orders pretty much immediately. I was also already selling some hoop art... I felt overwhelmed with the notion that it was time to sell things I was passionate about making, creating, or even buying. I named by business MaeBeSew. (Maybe So) Play on words of Mae's name and Sew- Pretty soon I shall have a couple websites with my items for sale. Right now I am catching up on orders (almost done!) and then will be stocking for a holiday craft show I hope to be a part of. Excited to see how God uses this for our family. This will all be a part of bringing Mae home.
Two big things out of the way, now the third. We are moving. Maybe in three weeks, maybe in three months. We have a contract on a home and if all goes well, it will be ours. I am very excited. But nervous. I love our home now. This home is all Lola and Oliver know and Clay and I for that matter. And my home is such a part of my heart. But my heart is my family. Moving is the best decision for everyone. The idea of new home, makes my heart feel a little shaken, but it's comforting thinking the new home will be where we bring Mae home to. Giddy. We will make our new home our own, and I think we will really enjoy the process of it. It's been decided that I house hunt like my mother, and house buy like my father. Clay and I are a pretty good team when it comes to this whole process. A good balance. I love him.
Oliver had his well child visit today. He is 18 months. Wow! He weighed 26 pounds. He is smart, smart, smart. He communicates very well considering he's not much of a talker. We've had a small issue with choking again, and with his history of suck/swallow problems and being considered a delayed talker, our pediatrician is sending us to get everything checked out. Better to know than not. Better safe than sorry. He's a momma's boy. How could he not be though? He's become quite affectionate over the past couple months and guess who loves that?! EVERYONE, especially me. I eat it up. And so does Lola. Lola at his age went to PDO, but Oliver does not. I thought it was best not to this year. Funny how each kid needs their own drum to beat to, a different parenting style. Carmen still watches him weekly and they are quite cute together. I love watching Oliver run (prance), crack up at Lola in the backseat, eat pop-corn by the handfuls, blow kisses from the corner of his crib, and wave only to strangers. I still give him a bottle at night and enjoy the quiet time to snuggle. He still wakes up at night, sometimes needing me, other times just playing for a bit. He has all his teeth but his back 2-year old molars. He is an awesome eater. Loves veggies like his Daddy. He has a temper, a loud cry, and touches things he knows he shouldn't. He's quick to recognize emotions (like mine) and is quite insightful. He loves saying "car." He can say a few other words, but has more important things to focus on, like big sister's crazy moves. He loves doing what she does. Cartwheels, playing hide-and-seek, eating in a big boy chair, wearing shoes, dancing, etc... He has been my little monster since he was in my belly, before we knew he was a boy. And he really is. I never knew how a boy, even at times a challenging one, could captivate my heart. He does. I love it. I love him.
Lola is 4.5. How could that be? I see her growing up so fast. It's crazy, because she was the best baby and toddler EVER. I just could eat those years up over and over, but I love seeing her continue to grow and develop into her own. A few times lately, she has rolled her eyes as a natural reaction, and I crack up. (Bad parenting?) Not that it's cool or respectful, but she's 4. When I call her out on it, she then tries to do it again, intentionally, and can't. It's funny. I didn't know rolling your eyes at your parents was a natural reaction all kids possess. She is through and through a really good girl though. She has such a good balance of qualities. I hope she continues to stay balanced. She's bossy (has good leadership skills as her daddy says) and a good delegator, yet compassionate, nurturing, and caring. She's discerning and reads people really well. She is honest. She is loyal. Girlfriend knows how to negotiate. She also knows how to compromise. She honestly is a great mix of her dad and myself. She loves being crafty. We spend a lot of time in our craft room together, especially since I am sewing so much more now. I love hearing her sing "I've got the JOY JOY JOY down in my heart" as she colors beautiful pictures. She keeps things in perspective for me. She has been an awesome sleeper the past year. She is by far, by far, a morning person. She is typically ready for bed around 7:15 p.m. Not my night owl. She loves, loves her Barbies. It may be one of her favorite things. If someone will sit on the floor and play barbies creatively, uninterrupted for awhile with her, they might be friends for life. She could play Barbies for hours with her favorite people. School has started back up and love seeing her with her friends and teachers. She seems like a good student. She definitely has a passion for learning. And she still loves her Bible. Now that, I hope she never outgrows. I am so blessed and glad God choose her as our first. What a perfect role for her. Love my little chatter box. Oh I didn't mention that? ;) Now I kind of want to wake her up... Crazy mother I can be.
I feel like Clay and I, together as one, are on a different path than we've been on in the past... maybe it's the two kids, instead of one, maybe it's big decisions happening, but whatever it is. I like it. My heart feels settle and comforted knowing he's by my side. He may prefer to be left out of instagram pics, fb post and blog post- but it's no reflection on the love we all have for him. He's our rock. He's our man. And he's handsome.
I finally won't erase a post. It felt good. I love that myself or the kids can look back and read this one day. Will they? Kids if you do, please don't wait till I'm dead. I want to see your reactions. And for the record... I love you each so much that it's absolutely immeasurable and unconditional, but because your each different, it looks different from child-to-child. That's okay. Love you all!