Hello. I am up! I thought hours ago I would be dead asleep by now, but ended up with some extra energy, so here I am writing.
I was soaking in the tub after watching Jon and Kate Plus 8 and just really thinking about their situation. I don't know if you watch the show and/or have heard about them in the media, but their show tonight touched on their current situation and marriage. It saddened my heart to watch it. I had to fight back the tears. Clay said that it seemed they really hated each other now and I really thought about that comment. My reaction to him was that they were hurt and their hurt came across as hate now. And I hate that for them. Lately, I have really noticed what hurt can do to relationships rather it be marriages, families, friends, etc... And hurt can translate into several emotions such as resentment, hate, sarcasm, fear, pride, anger, depression, deceit... I feel like I could go on for awhile, but you all get it and probably have seen it and even experienced it. I think it's only natural. Being hurt seems to carry so much more weight than happiness. I wonder why? When something makes us really happy, we don't always stay happy very long, but when something hurts us, we can stay hurt for an extremely long time. I wonder why? And I know that when I am truly hurt, I can have a hard time moving forward. I could not imagine being so hurt in a marriage and then having to decide whether to call it quits or not. Also, when people are hurt by others, the happiness they brought them seems to be dismissed. A lot of people didn't seem to understand Elizabeth Edwards staying with John Edwards and her response to some of Oprah's questions. Yet, even though I don't think I could respond as she did, I respected her in a way for some of the things she said. She said John had been a good husband and father and met her expectations for all these years and made a bad, bad decision that let to an ongoing affair and she didn't think she could immediately dismiss all those good years for this terrible thing he had done. You could tell the relationship wasn't the same and there was a lot of rebuilding and reshaping going on, but I felt like her point was admirable. Happiness should go a long ways, and really much longer than hurt. It's good for the soul. It's something I want to work on. I like the saying, "You can get glad just as you got mad." It's true. Get happy.
After watching the show, I feel for them, and obviously their kids, but them just as much. I really hope they can find themselves again and figure out how to move forward as a family and not as single parents. Hurt sucks, but finding happiness doesn't and isn't impossible.
It was kind of funny to see the show and how the marriage had come to seem like nothing, because over the last month I have just found myself infatuated with Clay again. I look at him and my heart beats for him. I never wasn't into him, yet lately, maybe with having his baby, I just seem in awe. I want to love him bigger and better everyday. I don't always show that either. It makes me want to be a better wife and kiss his face more. :) He makes me happy and I like to ponder on all the times he's really made my heart glad through things big and small. When we dated he would write me the sweetest e-mails, letters, and funny nonsense poems and I just love finding them and reading them like it was the first time I read them. It was one of those e-mails with a silly poem in it that made me realize, this guy really loves me. It's the real deal. I laughed through his rhyming words and got to the last line and found myself in tears because it then dawned on me, "we're not just friends... I am going to marry this cute boy one day."
I'll find it and possibly post it. It's short and cute, but the last line (to me) made his point for some reason.
Clay I love you. You make me happy.
No comments:
Post a Comment